Roommate Rookies: How to Survive (and Thrive) in Shared Spaces
College move-in day is right around the corner! For many of you, this will be the first time living with someone who isn’t a family member. That’s exciting, but also a little nerve-wracking. How you handle your roommate relationship can have a big impact on your college experience, from your mental health to your academic success.
Let’s talk about how to get it right.
Start With a “Hey!”
As soon as you get your roommate assignment, break the ice. Send a short message through text or social media to say hello and introduce yourself. Talk about simple stuff like sleep schedules, noise tolerance, tidiness, and study preferences. It’s not about solving everything now, but just getting the conversation going.
Set Expectations Early
Once you move in, carve out some time to talk about how you’ll share the space. Discuss things like cleaning routines, guests, sharing food or appliances, and what quiet time looks like. You don’t need to cover it all in one sitting, but some ground rules now will save frustration later. If your residence hall has a roommate agreement, use it.
Embrace the Differences
You and your roommate might come from completely different backgrounds—and that’s okay. Instead of avoiding differences, get curious. Ask questions, listen without judgment, and aim for mutual respect. Even if you don’t become besties, you can create a peaceful living space.
Personal note: Some of my college roommates became lifelong friends and I’m still in touch with a couple of them today. Others? Let’s just say I’ve got a great story about the time one of them tried to microwave a frozen pizza still in the box and nearly set off the dorm’s fire alarm. You never know what you’ll get, but every experience teaches you something.
Set Boundaries, Not Curfews
It’s not your job to be your roommate’s parent. If they constantly leave a mess, forget to set an alarm, or rely on you to manage their life, speak up. Be kind but direct. Respect goes both ways, and setting limits helps keep your own stress levels in check.
Speak Up Before Things Blow Up
Conflict is normal. The key is how you handle it. If something bugs you, don’t stew. Use “I” statements like “I feel overwhelmed when the room is messy” instead of blaming like, “You never clean-up”. You’re not trying to win, you’re trying to work it out.
Respect Space
Everyone needs downtime. Be upfront when you need quiet, rest, or time alone. And be mindful when your roommate needs the same. Head to the library or student lounge if you need a reset.
When You Need Help, Ask
If tensions rise and nothing seems to help, talk to your Resident Assistant. RAs are trained to handle this kind of thing and can help mediate. It’s not failure, it’s smart problem-solving.
Parents: You’re on the Sidelines Now
To the parents reading this: your support matters. But let your student lead the way. Encourage them to talk to their roommate, ask for help, and use campus resources. You’ll help them grow into more confident, capable adults.
Final Thoughts
Living with a roommate can be a highlight of your first year OR a lesson in patience. Either way, it’s a chance to grow, communicate, and practice empathy. Keep an open mind, speak up when needed, and know that your experience, whether good or bad, will be one you’ll carry with you long after college.